why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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