I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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