at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I party with great urgency now.
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