yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
