Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
