What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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