My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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