The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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