please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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