jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
