Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
