Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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