I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
