she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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