I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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