Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
