This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
