you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
