Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
