Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
