census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
