And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
