I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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