then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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