Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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