I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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