Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think my tv is drunk
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
