No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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