reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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