so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
