i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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