she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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