I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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