Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I am morally bankrupt
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
