fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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