guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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