listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
