i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
