There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
