There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
