He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
