I hate all girls vehemently.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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