I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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