i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
