Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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