Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
