woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
