Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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