Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
