Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
