Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
