Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
