I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
