i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
