i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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