Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
be right there i have to get my cape
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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