2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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