We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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