I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
