so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
