Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
