More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
