I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
